Today was another one of those days, but not quite as bad as last week. Days like today make me brace for it to get worse, though, because sometimes it comes on slowly, so I decided to work through it as an experiment. You know, get things done now in case I'm down for the count over the next few days. I managed to get several big chores done (the beginning of spring cleaning) as well as some craft projects with E. We went shopping. I did nap when she did, because it seems that sometimes that can reset my mood for the day, but I woke up even more sad than before I fell asleep so today that was a fail. I woke up and started cleaning again immediately.
I just want to say, "Really, grief? You were just here for a few days last week, remember? I know you never go far, but can you quit sitting on my chest and filling up my throat? I have things to DO."
So, in case you were wondering, on some days it IS possible to work through the grief, but it still follows you around all day, sucking the enjoyment out of everything you touch. Except, of course, my husband and E, who I can always enjoy, even though I might not be my most patient with them. I imagine this might be what depression feels like, but I've never been depressed. Unlike depression, I do have brighter days sprinkled in.
Someday, I am hoping for this:
"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." -George Eliot
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