Forever Namaste: The Journey of a Parent's Grief After Adult Child Loss

Grieving the death of a beloved child is soul shattering. It's been said that it is the most difficult loss to face. Since our daughter's death I've met hundreds of other parents who are trudging along this same tear soaked path. The connection with these other mothers and fathers who have come before or after is tragically comforting. You don't want anyone else to understand yet you cling to those who do. This is the story of one of those connections.

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Four

Violet would be four years old today. It's been four years since I first saw her face, marveled at each part of her, both whole and broken, and tried to fit a lifetime of love into two days.

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Dear Violet

Dear Violet,

Happy birthday, baby girl! It's been three years since you were born with a tiny cry. They handed me the most beautiful little girl bundled all pink, breathing on her own, a true miracle. I struggled to say everything I wanted to tell you in a few moments but the words didn't come to me. Instead Daddy and I stared at you, touching your face, pushing back your hat to see your brown hair (so long!), and kissing you.

As they wheeled us into the recovery room something happened. The urgency I felt in the OR was replaced by an overwhelming sense of peace. First Daddy bathed you. While he was washing you off you were staring over at me, sucking on my finger. "She's really trying," I said. We had been told you might not have the suck and swallow reflex you needed to nurse. But when they handed you back over to me all clean you went right to it, baby girl! You nursed as well as you could and we did it. We did it together!

You met your big sister E. She looked at you so calmly, touched your face so gently. She gave you kisses and a big gold star balloon. She was so proud that you were finally here and she had a sister!

Next you met your grandparents and most of your aunts and uncles. Everyone held you as two photographers snapped what seemed like millions of photos (but would never be enough).

We got to know you so well. We were told to expect minutes, maybe hours, but we got two and a half wonderful days with you. It was more than I ever dreamed possible. We learned what you loved (sleeping on Daddy, having your forehead rubbed, and Momma's voice) and what you didn't (diaper changes, changing clothing, being cold at all). We heard you hiccup and snore and squeak and cry. We will always wonder who you would have become but we know who you were. A tiny, but tall little baby girl with so much personality. You gave us so much. You gave us all of you.

We're getting on a plane this morning. For my whole life I wished to go to Disney. On every candle I blew out and every shooting star I saw for my whole life I would wish to go to Disney. Now I wish for you.

We'll ask E to pick out a special cupcake today and your little brother D will sing Happy Birthday to you. He calls you ViVi. We all miss you so much. We love you. We wish you were still here,

Love always,
Momma

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Books for Grieving Siblings

One of the most difficult parts of being a grieving parent is supporting my other children as they miss their sister. When your baby or child dies you attempt to navigate your own grief as you struggle to explain to your other young children what happened to their brother or sister. I always reach for quality literature to assist me in explaining difficult concepts to my kids. This book list is for grieving siblings to understand the loss of a baby brother or sister.

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Celebrating While Grieving: Ideas for Birthdays After Your Child Has Died

When a baby or child dies, their grieving families can be unsure as to how to celebrate their birthdays. We should be planning a party and instead we are anticipating one of our most difficult days. How do we mark the years by celebrating the birthdays of the children who are no longer here to blow out their candles? 

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Cremation Memorial Glass by Pacific Northwest Glassblowing

We have a new way to keep Violet extra close to our hearts! I didn't even know this type of memorial jewelry was possible before we had our pieces custom made but the whole process was the perfect way to remember our daughter. 

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A Message in a Dream

I had a dream that unidentifiable man was introducing me to a group of people. He referred to me as a mom with two kids and I reacted in a way I never do in my conscious world.

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Mom to Three: Two Here, One in My Heart

I'm a bereaved mother. It's a very important part of who I am but it doesn't define me. And yet when someone asks that seemingly innocent question, "How many children do you have?" I always pause before deciding what to say. This Mother's Day I'd like to answer it in a different way.

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