Still Playing School: life

How to Plan a Meal Rotation for New Parents

By Devany | Labels: , 5 Comments
Meals are one of the most loving gifts you can give to someone during a life changing event. Friends have brought us meals during the good times and the bad so from those experiences I've written my top tips for making meals for others to show your love and support. 


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Mom to Three: Two Here, One in My Heart

I'm a bereaved mother. It's a very important part of who I am but it doesn't define me. And yet when someone asks that seemingly innocent question, "How many children do you have?" I always pause before deciding what to say. This Mother's Day I'd like to answer it in a different way.

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It's a...

By Devany | Labels: 11 Comments


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Funny Things E Has Said Lately

E loves when I get a Scentsy shipment.  She says, "Ohhhhh, Scentsy stuff!  Smells nummy!"  Yesterday when an order arrived I told her that she couldn't take any of the bars because she didn't buy them, other people did.  So this morning, she handed me a fake quarter and said, "Here money. I buy it."

The other night she put her arm around me on the couch and said: (mumble, mumble, mumble) "...whole wide world."
Me:  "What?"
E: (points to me) "YOU are!"
Me: "I am what?"
E: "Mys best friend whole wide world!"


When I am hurrying E out of the house lately, reminding her of her shoes, her drink, hurry up, we'll be late, she says: "Ohhhhhh kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, slooooooooooooooow dooooooooooown!" but I think she may be trying to tell me to CALM down.

I was closing up a box and it made a suspicious sound.
E: "Mommy, hiney toot!!!"
Me: "No, E, that was the box!"
E: (looks at me firmly) "Not box.  Just Mommy!"
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Outraged

By Devany | Labels: , 4 Comments
I just read this article via a friend's share on Facebook.  In it, Rick Santorum's opinions of prenatal testing and the funding of such tests are brought into question. I am shaking right now because I am so opposed to his views. A commenter says that USA Today reports that Santorum objected to including some prenatal tests in federal insurance mandates, saying the tests lead to more abortions.

"A lot of prenatal tests are done to identify deformities in utero, and the customary procedure is to encourage abortions," he said. "We know that 90% of Down syndrome children in America are aborted." At a campaign event over the weekend in Columbus, Ohio, he said the tests effectively "cull the ranks of the disabled in our society."

My views on abortion have been vastly colored by my pregnancy and choice to carry V to term.  I was always pro-choice, because I don't feel that it's my right to tell someone else what they can or cannot do with their own body.  That being said, I wouldn't, couldn't, and didn't choose to "terminate" V when presented with that option even when all the medical professionals told us she was "incompatible with life" and described in detail what it would look like as she died in our arms.  Mr. Santorum, they STILL never suggested we should abort, so you are WRONG.  But now that I think of all the other families in our situation, I FIRMLY believe that terminations should be allowed, whether a mother's life is in danger or not, because the emotional pain we endured in grieving V before she was gone was TORTURE.  It was our choice, I don't regret it for a second,I would do it all over again, but would I have survived psychologically if I didn't have the support of my amazing husband, family, and friends?  No.

But let's cast aside the whole abortion debate for a minute.  Santorum is saying that our insurance, which was not cushy to any stretch of the imagination, should have the choice to DENY the testing we had done to discover V's diagnosis because it MIGHT make us choose to abort.  Yeah, it may have.  Can I tell you what it did instead?  It allowed me to line up to have photographers on hand to record our precious days with V and E together, the only ones we'll ever have as a complete family.  Ultrasounds warned us to prepare our families for the worst.  An amnio prompted my friends to rally around me and support us in ways I didn't even dream imaginable.  A visit with a pediatric cardiologist laid out exactly how much time, at most, we could expect with V.  Definitive pre-natal testing gave us the strength, the time, the courage, the resources, and the hope that we could wrap our heads and hearts around this tragedy and survive it, even if V couldn't.

As a fellow trisomy parent, I am ashamed of Santorum's views.  Unfortunately, not all of us are as lucky as the Santorums have been regarding their daughter Bella who has Trisomy 18.  We don't all get years with our babies.  Some of us get days, hours, minutes.  We deserve the right to know an accurate 100% diagnosis of our babies in utero when available so that we can prepare for our time with them, no matter how brief.
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E's First Dentist Visit

By Devany | Labels: 1 Comment
Our dentist recommended that we bring E in when she was 2 1/2 or 3, but since she LOVED her 2 year check up at the pediatrician (she ASKED for her shots) I figured we better just go now while she is interested and open to doctors.  Plus it's dental health month, which is a total coincidence.


Here she is showing her teeth to everyone in the waiting room.

She had fun playing in the kids' room (even though the sign on the door said "kid's room" and irritated me, though technically it was correct while she was the only one in there, she is not the only owner of the room, ahem, okay I'm done) while we waited for our turn.  I had fun listening to a slightly older child discuss baby teeth, big boy teeth, the tooth fairy, and the going rate for a tooth with his mother.

When they called us back, they had me sit in the chair with E laying back on me in my lap.  She had pink, blinged out Snooki-sized sunglasses to wear so she was in her glory.

She was a champ during the brushing, exam, flossing, and fluoride treatment.  She couldn't spit yet, but we'll work on it.

They have token bubble gum machines that give the kids prizes.  She left with two princess stickers, a new pink toothbrush, a temporary tattoo, and a rubber duck covered in hearts.  All in all, a successful first dental visit!

E's age: 25 months
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A Fundraiser in V's Memory

By Devany | Labels: , 7 Comments

My best friend, who is holding and meeting V in the picture above, approached me with an idea a few months ago.  What if we could raise money in honor of V to donate to one of the foundations that helped us when we were pregnant with her?  I immediately agreed, knowing how therapeutic it would be for me (and others) to help future families in our situation.  Because, unfortunately, the idea haunts me every day that other parents are learning right at this very minute that something is not perfect with the baby they are expecting.  The baby they already love and want so much.  My husband and I have discussed how the day we received the news was the worst day of our lives, far worse than the day that we lost her.

In order to help these families, I am thrilled to announce that we will be doing a Zumba Fitness fundraiser on Friday, April 6th.  Since this is on Good Friday, we are hoping for a great turn out from local friends and family that don't have work or school that day!  You can join us by pre-registering to Zumba from 9:30 - 10:30 am for a $10 donation.  We are asking all participants to wear purple in honor of V.

We will also be raffling off prizes donated by local businesses that I love.  You can purchase tickets for the raffles at the event or before since you don't have to be present to win!  Tickets are $1 each or 12 for $10.  I will be listing our donation prizes here soon!

All money raised will go to Sustaining Grace, a non-profit that provided us with a non-medical ultrasound when we were pregnant with V.  This allowed us time to bond with her since we were unsure of whether or not she would be born alive.  We also got videos, pictures, and a teddy bear that plays a recording of her heart beat which are now priceless and so comforting to us.

We also have opened up a PayPal account to accept donations from long distance family and friends.




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2011 Goals Revisted

The following were my 20 goals for 2011:

1. Take a family vacation (preferably to the beach) Went to Avalon, NJ.

2. Visit Oma regularly or, if she refuses to see us, adopt a "grandparent" from the local nursing home. Oma did refuse to see us in the beginning of 2011 and sadly, she passed away in the early Spring. We miss her so much. Adapt for 2012 goals.

3. Read about and use my bread machine. I read about it, I used it, and I decided I don't really like it. I plan to sell it on Craigslist.

4. Complete framed photography project for living room. We did this and I love it. It was a lot of work for both my husband and I, but so worth it. He mentioned the other day that we should add more and then change the photos out every 6 months.

5. Read 20+ books, with at least 3 being non-fiction. I know I didn't get to 20, but I did read 3 non-fiction. V's diagnosis made it very hard for me to read, which was sad because that is one of my favorite past times. I couldn't even keep up with People magazine. I had no attention span.

6. Walk to library story time when above 40 degrees, take E to the playground on unscheduled days above 50 degrees. We quit going to story time when they got a new teacher. But we did go to playgrounds a lot.

7. Do a random act of kindness for a stranger once a month This was very difficult to do. I did it for a few months, but it was hard to spontaneously think of an appropriate thing to do that a stranger would welcome!

8. Paint E's bathroom It's bright blue and I love it.

9. Learn more sign language We took a Sing & Sign Kindermusik class and both became pretty active in signing.

10. Stretch daily and find an exercise regimen that I like Last year E hated the child care room at the gym and I got pregnant in February. Move this goal to 2012.

11. Add 10 vegetarian meals to our regular dinner rotation I need to count to see how many we found, but I KNOW it wasn't 10.

12. Travel to Ohio so Grandma can meet E We didn't get to Ohio, but E met her at a graduation party in May. =)

13. Start volunteering for a homeless pet shelter again I emailed several places but couldn't find a good fit for regular volunteering. Adapt for 2012 goals.

14. Organize and clear out the spare bedroom It's cleaned out. It was going to be a nursery, but for now it sits empty.

15. Get a professional massage Must keep doing so regularly!

16. Put jewelry away properly after taking it off I'm better than I was at this, but it still doesn't happen constantly.

17. Meet 3 neighbors I love having neighbors nearby that we like!

18. Continue fruits for AM snack and veggies for PM snack for both E and me We aren't consistant with the AM/PM thing, but E is definitely a fruit and veggie eater and I join her! Yum!

19. Complete fabric project for kitchen Move to 2012 goals

20. Get pregnant Got pregnant, had the most beautiful daughter who taught us so much about life, and we also lost her all in 2011.

12/20 complete, 4/20 adapted for 2012 goals, 2/20 partially completed, 2/20 abandoned. Not bad!
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