Where I Am Right Now: One Year, Six Months, Twenty Seven Days

This post is part of the Right Where I Am Project.  
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One year, six months, and twenty seven days without Violet.  An eternity and a blink of an eye.

Yesterday, my husband and I were driving together.  We had lots of time to talk, just the two of us, without answering the endless 3-year-old inquiries from the backseat.  D was sleeping, hot and sweaty.  E was riding in a different vehicle with our family, entertaining them with her Gangnam Style dancing.  I don't remember the initial context, but Violet came up.

We began by talking about her heart.  It was turned incorrectly and in the wrong spot in her teeny, tiny chest.  He asked me to remind him of how much she weighed.  We marveled about the fact that one chromosome could mess up so much about her.  We recalled our reactions to the worst news of our lives, both from our own perspective and witnessing it in each other.  But most of all, we discussed our survival.

Reflecting back, it seems so foreign that we drove to the hospital that morning, knowing our girl would be born and begin to die.  It was a death sentence for us as well.  We knew what we were facing, yet we calmly drove together just as we were doing yesterday.  Looking at it after, we can almost imagine what our friends and family felt watching us from their slightly removed perspective.  We are just as astonished at our survival as you must be.

Yet here we are, one year, six months, and twenty seven days later.  The inevitable happened.  She took her last breath in my husband's arms with me sitting in front of her facing the both of them.  Somehow we prepared her to go to the funeral home.  Somehow we gathered our things and ourselves and left that room the next day without her.  Somehow we picked up her ashes two days later and welcomed her back into our home.  Somehow we've navigated a rainbow pregnancy and welcomed her little brother into our hearts, so different, yet so entwined with her that it takes my breath away.

I am pretty certain that I have PSTD but I have no official diagnosis yet.

I want, more than anything, for others to speak her name.  The desire for this aches inside of me.

I find her everywhere.  Just yesterday, a violet scented car air freshener for sale in a seaside souvenir shop.  The day before that, the deodorant I selected was sweet pea and violet.  My daughter has become a flower and a fragrance and a memory.

She is still my daughter.

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Show & Tell: Adrienne Mohn, Massage Therapist

Adrienne Mohn has been a massage therapist for seventeen years.  She is nationally certified in therapeutic massage and bodywork and licensed through the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.  Adrienne is also my regular massage therapist (after trying several) and I cannot recommend her highly enough!

How did we meet? 

I remember us first being introduced via Carol Anne Friesen when she thought that perhaps you may be interested in a pregnancy massage. I believe we corresponded briefly via email about questions you had regarding pregnancy massage.

Yes, I was having a difficult time finding a therapist when I was pregnant with Violet and in desperate need of some stress relief!  

We first met in person a couple years ago when I was offering free chair massages at a Kindermusik Christmas gathering/class.

I remember leaving the room of the chair massage and telling a friend you had a new client for life!  That massage sample had me hooked!

What is the most important thing we should know about you? 

Most important thing to know about me is my belief that we are all here on earth to serve each other through our passions and gifts that have been given to us. I truly believe everyone here matters and has a purpose. I believe I am here, at this period of my life, to serve people by offering them what I know best and what I love to do and that is massage therapy and bodywork therapies.

I LOVE that.  Who do you share your life with?

My life is shared with my son Ryan and my husband Gustavo. We live in Hershey where my sister Sue lives with her family as well. My parents Mary Ann and Charles and Aunt Dolores live in Fleetwood, Berks County PA. These are the most important people in my life and they have been a great support system for 

me.

What inspires you about your career?

I am in a career that doesn't feel like work to me. I am just doing what I love to do everyday and I never tire of it. I meet the most fantastic people and feel blessed to have them as customers. Every day I learn something new. Each and everyone of my clients are individuals and are unique so I customize their sessions based on their needs. Their is no cookie cutter treatment that I give across the board.... so every customer gives me the opportunity to do something and learn something new every day.

I can definitely tell that is true from personal experience.  You take the time to get to know your clients and really listen to their input about what their bodies are telling them, what treatments they want/need, and what works best for them!  

What are your other passions?

Other areas that I'm passionate about are nutrition and holistic therapies especially the powerful benefits of herbs and plant medicines. I study herbalism as a hobby and incorporate herbs into my practice via Steamed Herbal Compresses and am always reading on areas of health and wellness and alternative therapies. I believe we were given everything we need here on the earth in order to be well physically, mentally and spiritually so that we can complete our purpose for being here.


What are your challenges?

I don't really view myself as having challenges but just simply put; opportunities. We encounter scenarios in our life and some may be easily understood by us and the ones that aren't easily understood are opportunities or puzzles to figure out or learn from.

So well said, Adrienne!  Who else inspires you and why?

Who inspires me? Both my parents are inspiring to me. They are good hearted people who showed me patience, kindness, and unconditional love from birth until this present moment so I think that is why these traits are so easy for me to show others. Truthfully most people inspire me. Everyone has a story and in those unique stories you will find miracles, strength, inspiration. It doesn't matter what you do, how much money you make, where you have been. Everyone is unique and inspiring somehow if you just take a minute to talk to them and listen.

That's why I love to do this feature and share people like you with our readers!

What advice can you give regarding the field of your expertise?

My advice to your readers if they want to pursue massage and bodywork therapy or any type of therapy is to research it first and ask questions. I encourage my clients to ask questions about treatments that I offer so that they are a part of and take responsibility for their wellness. I am nothing more than a catalyst in their quest for health and wellness. It is up to them not anyone else to heal or to improve their health. I offer a variety of therapies including various massage modalities such as Deep Tissue, Swedish, Orthopedic, Prenatal massage. Some integrated energy based bodywork therapies I offer are Thai yoga Massage, Hawaiian Lomi Lomi Massage, Aviana Touch Therapy. I offer Reiki as well and this would be considered solely as energy work. I always consult with my clients prior to each session so that we can together come up with a treatment plan that will best suit them and their needs. I will usually incorporate multiple modalities into one session.


Where can readers find you to learn more?

My website, Facebook, and I co-host the Think World Peace Facebook Page with creator and co-host Alan Jordan, owner of Intuitive Bodywork and Massage in New Cumberland.

Adrienne has generously offered to hold a giveaway for our local readers! Enter the Rafflecopter contest below for a chance to win her Trio Sample Spa Package which includes massage, bodywork, and spa service all in one appointment!  You'll receive a sugar foot scrub, reflexology, and a full body relaxation Swedish massage!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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We Love Starfall

Since the days when I taught in public and private classrooms, Starfall has been the hands down favorite for educational activities.  If you don't know about Starfall, you'll want to and if you do, I might be able to show you a few things today that you didn't realize were available (because I've just discovered them, too)!

With my kindergarten classes, we always worked on the ABCs section until they were proficient in their letters and sounds, then we moved on to Learn to Read.  Both of these sections are complete free.  The ABCs page works on letter naming, letter sounds, and both uppercase and lowercase identification.  Learn to Read provides sight word practice, phoneme blending, and word family games.

I had our (then) toddler first try out Starfall when we got our home theater PC.  She was 2 1/2 years old. Lately, we checked it out again and I stumbled upon new (to us) sections (that actually published about a year ago) called More Starfall.

In addition to literacy and reading, there are sections for math and songs/rhymes.  Like the other sections, it was easy for me to level our preschooler to what she needed to work on like numbers 11 to 20...

...and sorting by several attributes.

Starfall offers one month trials to anyone who requests them.  When ours expires, we'll definitely be subscribing.  To get your free trial, just email Starfall and ask (and let them know that Still Playing School sent you, please)!

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Sparkle Dough for Fine Motor Practice

Our latest sensory play was with what we are calling Sparkle Dough!  I found the recipe for foam dough, but instead of using food coloring, we added glitter!  

First, we gathered our ingredients on a blanket.  I had a bowl of water and a towel nearby for easy clean up.  Dollar Store shaving cream is the best!  

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Ages & Stages Questionnaire from ODE

The ASQ survey is a resource that I used this week to assess E and D's current social and motor skills.  It gave me insight on some growing suspicions I had (more on these later) regarding different areas of development.

Created by the Oregon Department of Education and Early Intervention Programs, the test can be taken by residents in any state with results emailed to you.  There are 20 different surveys available, depending on your child's age birth through 6 years.

After you fill out the initial information, be prepared with your child nearby so you can check some of the responses to questions.  With E, it was helpful to have paper and pencil, a ball, and stairs nearby.  With D, I could answer all the questions based on what I've observed recently.

It can take several days to get the results, but we received ours within the same day!  You will also have access to PDF files of age appropriate activities to try with your child.

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Why My Children Will Never Attend a Circus

My children will never attend a circus.  As the show rolls into town, I thought it might be a good time to summarize my thoughts of this type of "entertainment" since I'm pretty vocal about it.  Some agree with me, some think I'm over-reacting, and some (the ones I hope to reach most through this post) just haven't thought about the implications.

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Cowie's Accident

Have I really never introduced you to Cowie?  That's astonishing.  Cowie is E's go-everywhere-with-us lovey.  Cowie has such a rich history, all created by E.  For example, she told the owner of Five Stone Kids that Cowie's grandparents are Scandinavian.

Sometimes Cowie is E's baby, sometimes she is four (older enough to be admirable, but still young enough to be a playmate), and often Cowie is a "brone-up" who retaliates when I reprimand E.  If I tell her she can't sit in D's bouncy seat because she is too big, she'll say, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeell (a la Antoine Dodson), Cowie has a pink and purple bouncy seat and YOU can't sit in IT."

The other day, Cowie fell down the steps.  E applied about 20 band aids and I let her, thankful for the distraction and fine motor practice it provided her.

What I failed to realize is that band aids are NOT the same as stickers (which Cowie has had applied and removed more times that I can count).

I tried to pull the band aids off gently, but I quickly realized that Cowie would be left with a Brazilian.  I had to carefully pull back the band aids and cut them off.

This was my progress halfway through.  E noticed around this time and was very concerned about the fur that Cowie was losing.  She decided that Cowie needed a break.  Thankfully Mr. SPS took over when he got home and finished the job.  Cowie is fully recovered now, but get well cards can continue to be sent c/o E.

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Sweet Potato Puree for Baby

We are waiting until D is six months old to start solids (in June) but we had these yummy, local grown, organic sweet potatoes from our CSA waiting to be used up!  I just had to prep a simple baby's first puree for him to freeze for next month.

Wash and scrub the sweet potatoes.  Pierce with a fork, then rinse again.  This way a bit of water gets in the tiny holes you just made to steam the potatoes from the inside out!

Wrap with foil and bake whole at 400 degrees for an hour.  Alternatively, you could peel and cube the sweet potatoes, but that was just too much work when you see how easy this way can be!

Let cool, then unwrap, cut in half lengthwise, and scrap out the yumminess!  The skin basically peeled right off at this point.

Blend in a blender or food processor with a bit of liquid of your choice.  I used 2 oz. of breast milk to get the four small sweet potatoes to the consistency that I wanted.  

Freeze in an ice cube tray for easy portioning and blending with other foods later.  Once frozen, I pop the cubes out and transfer to a Pyrex container for freezer storage but you can use freezer bags or any containers that you typically use to freeze your food.  (We've recently decide to swap out all of our plastic storage containers fpr Pyrex!)

I asked on our Facebook page if there was interest in me writing about the foods I made for D as he starts solids and the response was overwhelming!  With E, we used the Wholesome Baby Food website as our primary resource, but we also have several baby food recipe books that I'll be sharing with you.  Just like we did with E, when we start D on solids at 6 months, I will print out this chart to put on the fridge and introduce a different fruit/veggie every 3 days to check for allergies or sensitivities.  We skip baby cereal entirely at first, adding it later when the baby is ready for more complete meals.  

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Show & Tell: Jeda Symonds-Poynton, Diabetes Mom

Jeda Symonds-Poynton is my Australian friend.  She is a fellow baby loss momma, but I've asked her to come to share with us today primarily to talk about her daughter Emalee's recent diabetes diagnosis.

Jeda, can you tell everyone how we know each other?

Our angel babies bought us together. Sometimes through a tragic loss you meet some amazing people!

Who shares your life with you?

My family consists of me, my husband Anthony, our daughter Liana (10), Emalee (5), Logan (2), and Maya (1). A crazy and busy family but an amazing one!

You inspire me because you are such an advocate for your daughter Emalee who was diagnosed with diabetes. Can you talk a bit about what that has been like for you and for her?

Emalee having diabetes has changed our whole families lives! When I lost Kayla I felt like I died too.  Liana didn't just lose a sister, she also lost a mother for a while. The day Emalee was born breathing was the day I was reborn, she saved me, she fixes my broken heart and she is my hero. When Emalee was diagnosed with type 1,  it killed me all over again. I wanted to be able to fix her as she did me but there was nothing I could do.  I still cry and ask why her, why me! I just want healthy children. Emalee has 4 needles a day, 2 in the morning and 2 at night before she eats. She also has to have her finger pricked every 3 hours and it doesn't stop in the day. I also have to check her through the night every 3 hours to make sure she doesn't hypo in her sleep which can be deadly! But everyday we fight with and for her and we get better at managing it as well. It's only been 9 months since she was diagnosed but it feels like forever!

Ideally, how do you see Emalee handling her diabetes in 5 years? 10 years? How do you plan to help her accomplish this?

In 10 years from now, I'm hoping for a cure. They are saying something amazing will happen in about 5 years. We plan on doing what we are doing now! Teaching her the foods she can have and can't have too much of. She has always been an active and pretty healthy child but now sometimes we have to tell her she can't have too much of fruits as they make her sugar levels rise high so it's just all about how much she can have!

What inspires you about Emalee?

Well, I can certainly say she is stronger then me. She has taken to her new life amazingly. With her starting kindergarten this year, I really thought it would be so hard on her, but she has been so great with doing her own level testing at school.  She sees all her friends being able to go up and get whatever they want from the canteen and she knows she can't do that, but she is okay with it. When we go to birthday parties, when we tell her she has to stop eating she does. She is only 5 but my god she is so grown up. We do have our bad days and days where she doesn't want this and doesn't want that but like I said, she is 5 and kids will be kids I look at her as my inspiration!

She sounds like an amazing little girl!  Who else inspires you?

My mother inspires me. She is a very sick lady but still stands head strong. She has had many heart attacks, strokes and also suffers from MS. My whole life I've seen her work hard for my sister and I. She lives for helping others. At the moment she is waiting to have an operation on her legs as she has no circulation in her legs what so ever and lives in pain but still manages to always come over to see her grandkids. My kids are what are keeping her alive! If I can grow up and be half the mother she is then I know I have done my job.

What are your passions?

My passions- WOW, having four kids I really don't get much time to myself these days. I've been a mum since I was 17 so everything I've done has involved my children but I do love going out for dinner and watching a movie. I love going out on the weekends to families house and sitting around chatting and watching the kids play with their cousins. So I guess when it comes to it all of my passions all come back to spending time with family and my kids.


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The Purpose of Sensory Play

If you're a regular reader, you know that we've been doing sensory bins since E was a year and a half old.

With D, we started a bit younger at 4 months old!  Baby's first sensory bin (With close supervision, of course, but he wasn't successfully getting things to his mouth yet!):

When I posted a picture of this corn sensory bin recently, I had a friend ask for an explanation.  Invite me to talk about the importance of early childhood sensory play?  How long do you have to listen?!!  

Incorporating as many senses as you can into any play or learning is always the best way to retain information.  The more senses that are engaged, the more connections are made in the brain to help us retrieve information later.  For example, scents have always brought back some of my strongest memories of Violet.

Sensory play is built around this same concept.  Let's look at how we can engage all senses.

Sight - All sensory bins seem to be visually appealing!  They can be hard to resist for both children and adults!  We frequently add magnifying lenses to our bins so we can investigate our materials extra closely.  Mixing colors, transparent or reflective objects, and light tables are all great ways to engage and vary sight experiences for sensory play.  

Sound - The sound of pouring and dumping can be so soothing!  Sensory bins can also be loud (E likes to put the corn in a container, put the lid on it, and shake it up to make "popcorn!"), whisper quiet (cotton balls) or crunchy (breaking pasta).  

Touch - The textures of sensory materials are one of the biggest motivations for kids to dig in (literally)!  We love running our hands through water beads, uncooked lentils, and sand.  We've also played with both warm (water, water beads) and cold (snow, ice) sensory bins.

Taste - Especially with little ones, it is important to occasionally fill sensory bins with items that can or should be tasted!  We've played with pudding and jello and tasted clean snow!

Smell - Some materials smell great themselves (cake mix) but you can also add essential oils or spices to other sensory play experiences (gingerbread play dough).  

One of the most valuable parts of engaging children in sensory play is the multiple ways they will be using the small muscles in their hands and wrists.  This fine motor practice gets them ready to use their hands for other specific tasks like eating with utensils, writing, cutting, dressing themselves, and using a computer.   Every time they pinch, pour, stir, twist, fill, dump, and use tweezers they are working these valuable muscles!

Sensory play is messy by nature which is part of what makes it so great!  If this bothers you (like it sometimes worries Mr. Still Playing School in our house) just remind yourself (or him) that there is so! much! learning going on!  It's a worth while mess, I promise.  We also have done tons of modeling desired behavior (another great excuse to play WITH kids) and talking about sensory bin rules.  If materials spill out, we put them back before continuing our play.  If we throw or spill on purpose (and we are indoors) after being asked not to do so, that means it's time for the bin to take a break.

We've used sensory play to learn about holidays, sorting, patterns, vocabulary (think of all the words you say as you describe everything your senses are taking in), measuring, counting, and colors. We'll be creating several bins this summer to learn about specific themes as we continue to home school preschool.  I am grateful that sensory play has been large portion of E's education so far.  I look forward to continuing these bins that we all love and watching D grow with them as well.

What sensory bins have you created with your kids?   Which ones have been their favorites and yours?

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Picture Flower Craft

This super easy spring craft can brighten any day.  It is fast in case you need a last minute Mother's Day or grandparent gift.  You might even have all the supplies you need at home already.  We did!  Here is how we made our Personalized Picture Flower Craft.

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Five Months Old: Haircut, Favorite Teethers

D turned 5 months old on Saturday.  He got his first haircut this weekend.

Maybe he won't be confused for a girl as much now.  E was around the same age when she had her first haircut, too.  Our babies have LOTS of hair (For 37 weeks, Violet, too).  

D is also teething so he's completely inconsolable at times.  Here are some teethers that we know and love:

Of course, Sophie the giraffe is a fan favorite.  She is a hand-me-down from E (so you know she's durable) and doubles as a toy.  She squeaks when you squeeze her.  Right now, D still has a bit of trouble getting her best chewy bits into his mouth (feet! ears! whole head!) but when I am assisting, he loves to munch on her.

We also recently ordered the Razbaby Razberry Teether.  I think D will like it more as he gets more teeth and gets bigger.  He uses it now because it easily hooks to a stroller or highchair with links, but I think he'll use it more in the future.  

But by far, D's favorite teether right now is the Tommee Tippee Chewther.  We actually ripped open the packaging before we had even paid for it at the store because he needed to gnaw on something!  It stays in his mouth well, comparable to a pacifier, but it looks like a mouth guard with textured surface.

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This post includes affiliate links, which means if you click and end up ordering, we get a small percentage back for recommending them to you.  As always, all opinions are 100% my own.

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International Bereaved Mother's Day

Mother's Day can be heartbreaking and bittersweet to bereaved mothers.  To soften the emotional burden of that holiday, the first Sunday in May is reserved specifically for those of us that have lost children to think of our missed babies, reflect on how they have changed us as mothers, and have a quiet day specifically with this special relationship in mind.

In additional to celebrating Violet and all she's taught me today, I am also taking the time to speak out about how grateful I am for my community of other grieving mommas.  Very often (even just this past Friday) something happens in my every day life and I know that only they can relate. Being able to reach out (both online and in person) and be understood, being able to feel comfortable exactly as I am looking into eyes that reflect the same (often misunderstood) love and pain back at me, is uniquely priceless.

I want to also thank those of you who haven't lost a child, but have none the less supported me beautifully in the past (almost) two years.  You have silently worn wristbands in memory of Violet, you have spoken her name to us, you have sent us pictures that remind you of her, you have put us in touch with other healing families, and most importantly, you have remembered and missed and grieved her with us.  I can't count the times that something you've said or done or written about her has carried me through a difficult day.

This year on International Bereaved Mother's Day, Still Standing Magazine has put out the call to all bereaved mothers to break the silence of our grief by posting pictures of ourselves today to show the world we are still standing after the death of our child.

Here we are on the way to the park yesterday.  I wasn't planning on this being my picture for the Still Standing project, but it's perfect.  We spent time playing at the playground as a family and I thought of her who was missing.  I always, always do.

Violet, your absence is deafening, but it's changed me in positive ways. I'm a different person, mother, wife, and friend.  Thank you, my sweet girl.  I miss you so much every day.

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A Day in the Life

This will either being interesting to you (I love when people do these, so please do!) or extremely boring.

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12 am - Sleeping blissfully.

1 am - D is awake, cooing.  I try the pacifier a few times, then give up. Bring him downstairs, plop him in the swing, turn on Craig Ferguson.  Change D's diaper, feed him, he falls asleep.  Take ibuprofen for my allergies since my whole face hurts.

2 am - Still tossing and turning, but falling asleep to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

3 am - Sleep.

4 am - Sleep.

4:20 am - Feed D, turn on husband's espresso machine to warm it up for him.  D and I both go back to sleep.

5:45 - D is up for the day.  I let him coo to himself in the swing for awhile and go back to sleep for an hour.

6:45 - AWAKE.  Move D to the bouncy seat.  Make coffee, take Claritin D, watch the news.

7 am - E comes downstairs, showered. (Husband was supervising her, so I have no idea when she woke up.)  Get her dressed from clean clothing in the laundry basket.  Give her juice and discuss alphabet soup for dinner, to her utter joy. (Thanks, Martha Speaks.)  Spend more of my morning than I thought I would spelling names with uncooked pasta while the crock pot warms up.

Yes, the C may be a broken G and the I is a piece of rice.  Shuttup, it was early.

7:30 am - D in Jumperoo. I drink coffee and start this post. E plays with a bulldozer as husband leaves for work.

8 am - Get D dressed, nurse him, put him in his swing for a nap.  Add leeks, sweet potatoes, and turnips from our CSA to crock pot soup, start laundry, start dishwasher.

8:30 am - D still isn't sleeping, so I transfer him from the swing to the bouncy seat where I bounce him while I work on some tasks from two meetings yesterday.  E watches Sesame Street.

9 am - D is asleep, E is playing quietly in her room, I am working on blog/social media tasks.  I successfully transfer D to the swing and go take a shower.  Two minutes in, E says, "D is crying and I don't know what to do.  I gave him his binky but he still cry."  I feel equal parts annoyance at the lack of at least a 5 minute shower and bursting pride over my girl who tried to manage the situation.  Out of the shower, holding D, E asks me to play with her in her room.  Child, I am not even dressed!  Get half dressed while D screams on the bed, take him back downstairs to bounce him back to sleep.  Meal plan while checking store sales while playing Squinkies with E while bouncing D as he naps.

10 am - Start hoping D will wake up since we have grocery shopping to do.  He's snoring contently.  Catch up on reading blogs, contemplate another cup of coffee.  E plays by herself with her pretend cleaning supplies.

10:30 am - Cowie (E's beloved stuffie) is clicking her pretend key remote to lock the car door and proclaiming that she's late for work.  I go to finish getting dressed, letting E pick out my outfit (pink, of course).  She helps me sort laundry.  D wakes up, diaper change, eats.  Kids bond while E finishes her snack.

11 am - Post office and library.

12 pm - Grocery store, where D falls asleep in the mei tai.  Baby wearers, how do you recommend emptying a full grocery cart at the register with a baby asleep on your front?  While I contemplate this, E makes friends with the elderly lady, Francis, in line behind us.

1 pm - Home.  Unload perishable groceries while D naps in the car.  He wakes up.  Make E lunch, turn on a show for her to watch while she eats.  More ibuprofen for me.  I feel like I got punched in the upper jaw/sinus area on one side.  Drink second cup of coffee. Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.  Call Nana and catch up while feeding D.

2 pm - E down for her nap.  D is Not Tired since he slept on me at the store.  He resists all swaddling attempts and is sprung to his Jumperoo.  Next is one on one play time with Mommy and baby massage, plus more nursing.

 Also, proof that he isn't happy constantly, just about 98% of the time.

3 pm - Both kids asleep.  Packing Scentsy orders, eating lunch, emailing leads on babysitters.

4 pm - E is awake.  Snuggle one on one time, snack.

4:30 - D wakes up.  We all play doll house.

5 pm - D eats.  E and I attempt to eat the soup.  D freaks out for no apparent reason. E watches her Signing Time DVD.  I call Scentsy Consultant Customer Support because I'm locked out of my account.  On hold forever, so I empty the dishwasher.

6 pm - Put D in night time diaper, jammies, nurse again.  During play time he spits it all up on me, twice.

6:30 - Call husband to see when he'll be home.

6:45 - D is a fussy mess.  Husband gets home.  He eats and reloads the dishwasher.  I soothe D.

7 pm - D's asleep.  I go downstairs to hand wash the rest of the dishes to listen to make sure he's settled.

7:30 - Get in bubble bath with a cocktail.

7:38 - D's awake, FTLOG.  Reinsert pacifier, back asleep.

8 pm - Husband takes over E's bedtime.  I get online to type this, catch up on Survivor, work on summer preschool home school lesson plans, and help plan summer camp activities at Five Stone Kids.  E falls upstairs getting ready for bed, so I go up to help.

9 pm - D wakes, nurses.  Lay with E.  Take Ibuprofen, snack on blackberries.

10 pm - Watch Sons of Anarchy with husband.  D wakes up and nurses. (THIS is not typical.)

11 pm - Asleep.

11:30 - D is awake, nurses but can't fall back asleep.  We spend the rest of the night downstairs.

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(The good news is after coming downstairs, he slept until 4 am.)

If you blog, will you do this?  I really love reading them!

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Show & Tell: Jamie Steele, Fundraising for Operation Smile

I wrote briefly about Jamie last year when he was raising money for Operation Smile, but this time he's back again to tell you in his own words why this is so important to him (and me).  We are also breaking the mold on our Show & Tell feature by interviewing a man.  All previous guests were women, but when I thought of this idea, I wanted to include men as well with two guys in mind, Jamie being one of them.

How do we know each other?

Man, we’ve known each other for what seems like forever. Your brother Andy and I have been best friends since preschool, pretty much…but I don’t think we officially “met” until I was in middle school. I lived right down the hill from you guys, so we rode the same bus to school. You were always really nice to me and I thought that was kind of weird because, usually, the older kids were mean to me. Actually, I was pretty untrusting of you being nice to me at first – mostly because you were dating a dude that kind of terrorized me. But, for the past decade…decade and a half, you’ve basically been my big sister. We hung out all the time when we were both at IUP and you and Rob and E (and D in your belly) were just up to visit us last summer!

The terrorizing dude is one of the reasons I wanted to befriend you!  He would talk about things you'd say and do in boy scouts, which just made me want to meet you more.  You sounded awesome (and you were)!  What is the most important thing we should know about you?

Um, I don’t know. I don’t really think I’m all that important. I’m a huge sports fan. Actually, I work on a sports radio show up here in Hartford. I book guests, run the social media stuff (Facebook, Twitter, blog), operate the sound board during shows, edit audio (sound bytes, highlights) and even get a little airtime every once in a while. I get paid to do it, but it’s not like a job at all. I thought I was going to write about sports, but I stumbled into the whole radio thing at school. I love it. Also, I guess I should mention that I was in the Air Force for 4 years, that was a big part of my life. And I do this thing every year…where I grow a beard during the NHL playoffs (Go Pens) and raise money for Operation Smile. Well, EVERY year is kind of a weird thing to say because this is only the second year I’ve done it…but, I plan on doing it for a long time. Probably until I can’t grow a beard anymore.

I can't imagine you unable to grow a beard.  Ever.  Tell us who you share your life with.

My wonderful, beautiful, smart and talented wife Lisa. I’m not entirely sure what I did right to have her fall in love with me and subsequently marry me (after staying together through 4 years of basically not seeing each other but 5 or 6 times per year while I was in the Air Force and she was finishing school at Penn State and moving to CT for an awesome job, but I’m glad I did it. Whatever it was. Being married to your best friend is pretty much the best thing ever.

Agreed.

I’m a very lucky guy.

You are both super lucky.  It's great to watch you together and know you're so happy.

We just recently bought a house up here, too…and one of the first things we did was adopt a dog! Her name is Maybelline and she’s part pitbull terrier and, we think, part Labrador retriever. Besides meeting each other and getting married, adopting Maybe is far and away the best thing Lisa and I have ever done. She’s smart and affectionate and just an overall awesome addition to our family.

E is about bursting to meet her!

You inspire me because of how you overcame being born with a cleft lip/palate and underwent multiple surgeries, always with a positive attitude. Can you talk a bit about your experiences?

Mostly, I don’t remember the stuff I went through. All but a couple of the surgeries were when I was really, really young. I remember I had something done when I was in 3rd grade, but the only thing I can recollect about it is sticking my head out the window on the way home from Pittsburgh so I could vomit, haha. Oh, and, my parents bought me Blades of Steel for Nintendo to play while I recovered (there’s perks to everything, I guess)! I did have one MAJOR surgery when I was a junior in high school, though. They surgically broke my jaw and reset it because I had a severe under bite. I think that was more cosmetic than anything…though I’m pretty sure it was for my sinuses and stuff, too…but, really, I can’t remember. All I know is I look better now than what I did before the surgeries, so who am I to complain? Haha.

But, my mindset was always, “I can’t really do anything about this, so let’s get it over with.” I knew the jaw surgery was coming for years – they had to wait until I was almost done growing so the bones wouldn’t reset or move again or something along those lines. So I guess, mentally, I was prepared for that one. And, honestly, I just wanted it to be over with. That last big one was the end of the line and I’d do pretty much anything to make sure that was it. And when it was over, all I wanted to do was gain back the weight I had lost (I think I went from about 175 to 150 during the jaw recovery…it was a milkshake and Carnation Instant Breakfast diet for me for 2 or 3 weeks. And let me tell you, Carnation Instant Breakfasts suck. A lot.) so that I could play football again. I missed about a month of school that year so that I didn’t put my senior year of football into jeopardy. My parents were cool like that.

What was your situation like as a child? Who supported you most? What were the hardest struggles?

Like I said, I can’t really remember much about it being a kid. I know there were a LOT of trips out to Children’s in Pittsburgh for checkups and stuff. Lots of orthodontist appointments, too. But, it’s all I ever knew; it was normal for me. It’s just what I did. My parents were great about everything growing up. I mean, I just mentioned them scheduling the last and biggest surgery during the school year when I was a junior so it wouldn’t interfere with my junior year of football (I lettered that year) or my senior year when I was slated to be a starter. So that was a pretty big deal to me – football was practically my whole life from 3rd grade on and losing out on the best and final years would’ve really sucked.

My friends were great, too. The jaw surgery, it completely changed the way I looked. I was extremely self-conscious coming back to school after a month of not being there or, really, seeing anyone while I was out. But when I got back, it was like I never left…and hadn’t changed at all. I mean, I knew the change to my appearance was for the good…but, still. It was kind of dramatic. And everyone was awesome. You, in particular, came by the house when I was recovering and brought me a card and balloon. That balloon hung on my wall for YEARS. It really meant a lot to me, I don’t know if I ever told you that. My heart swells when I think about that.

Aw, you and Lisa have always supported us, too.  That's what a strong friendship is all about!  

On a side note – during my recovery, I decided it would be a good idea to start dying my hair blonde. Bizarre move, right?

No, it suited you.  I am particularly fond of when we dyed it bright red for you in college, too.

What can you tell us about Operation Smile? 

Well, I think I first heard about Operation Smile through my mom. I thought it was cool what they were doing, I know how much the cleft lip and palate affected my life fixed…so it would be exceedingly hard living a life dealing with a cleft lip/palate or both that weren’t repaired. I never really did anything about it myself, though. Then, one day after I moved up to CT, there were people collecting money outside of WalMart for Operation Smile. I donated a couple of bucks, because…well, because that’s me, you know? I got a free shirt and would wear it from time-to-time, and it was always in the back of my mind that I’d like to help raise money somehow for them someday.

I love this cause also.  I'm super excited that our Charlie Banana diaper purchases give back 1% of their sales worldwide to Operation Smile, too!   How did your fundraising exceed your expectations last year? What are your plans this year? 

Last year when the playoffs started and I saw all the Beard-A-Thon posts and ads, I figured I’d try it. Most people just sign up for their favorite team’s charity, but I thought this would be a perfect chance for me to raise some money for a cause that was really, really important to me. And thus, “Beards For Smiles” was born. And my year-old beard met its demise.

Man, I miss that thing. And Lisa hated it equally.

Anyway, I figured I’d raise $500 – each surgery was $248…but $500 is such a nicer, rounder, more even number and I’m weird like that. I hit $500 before the playoffs even started and ended up raising $2,244. Just typing that number seems ridiculous…my friends and family are so generous. And since it was such a swimming success last year, I figured I’d up the ante and try to raise $2,500 this year. That makes me nervous, because it’s such a high number…but if I can get there, I’ll be extremely happy. Obviously.  So, uh…go donate!

You'd be helping 10 kids get their surgeries!  That gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!  

What are your other passions?

Well, like I said, I’m a big sports guy. I love hockey, obviously, specifically the Pittsburgh Penguins. I like to write (I should really start blogging again).

Yes, yes you should.

And I like a good beer. But really, my life revolves around sports.

Who are some people you admire and why?

I mean, there’s always guys like Bill Murray and Hunter S. Thompson and Joe Montana and Kris Letang (that hair!) and Chris Jericho (everything he does is amazing).

In true Chris Jericho fashion, I'm going to interrupt you right there to share with our readers that our mutual love for Jericho has been a driving force of our friendship since around 1996!  The original Jerichoholics!  Ahem, sorry, go on.

 …but whenever I hear the word admire, a couple of things or people come to mind.

The first might sound a little strange, but I’ve always been really proud of Lisa for coming up here after college. She was supposed to move down to North Carolina to be with me, but job-wise things just didn’t work out. So, instead, she moved even further away from me to a place where she didn’t know anyone. She stayed in a hotel for a couple of weeks while she looked for an apartment. I always really admired that she was brave enough to do that. It wasn’t just her, either. The two girls that are our really good friends up here did the same thing – one from New Jersey and the other from Montana. It’s kind of weird they found each other. But that’s always impressed me about those girls…something like that isn’t easy to do.

And when I think about people I admire my grandfather always comes to mind. I saw him battle diabetes for a long time. He was always such a big presence, booming voice and a great personality and that never really changed…but I watched him lose a toe and have to go to dialysis a few times a week and lose a lot of his ability to just get around, and nothing seemed to phase him. He was just a tough, tough man. And also the biggest sweetheart I can think of. When I was a baby he made me a tape where he sang, like, the ABCs and the Christmas song where Santa’s up on the rooftop (click click click)…whatever the name of it is. I have it on my iPod, now…and I have to be careful when I have it on shuffle because whenever I hear that big voice, it immediately makes me tear up. Mom played it for me at Christmas 5 or 6 years ago and it was the first time I had heard it in years and I just…bawled. He was just such a great man, I still miss him.

He and my gramma were a big part of that support system you asked about, too. I don’t know how I forgot to include them in the answer to that question. We lived with them for a lot of my first 4 years and they were young (both 42 when I was born) so they were basically a second set of parents rather than grandparents most of the time. Actually, they were the ones that went and got me at the hospital after I was born because my mom was sick. Both of them were always a huge part of that part of my life.

That was really sappy, haha.

You come from such a long line of great people!  Where can readers find you to learn more?

Well, I have a Facebook and a Twitter and my “Beards for Smiles” fund raising, donation drive thingy has a Facebook page (please LIKE and tell him SPS sent you) and the actual donation page is here and, if I may cheaply plug where I work, I run the Fox Sports Radio Facebook page, The Paul Nanos Show’s blog and The Paul Nanos Show’s Twitter account. So, you can contact me and learn about my cause through at least most of those places.

Sometimes I feel like my whole life revolves around the Internet!

If we didn't have the internet, we wouldn't be able to stay in touch as well as we do.  So I'm glad we are both very active online because I'm very fortunate to have you as an additional "little brother!"  Love you!


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